Embracing the mindset of surrender
It took me forever to realize and to accept that life will always have some level of chaos after having children. We have full-time help, and my parents live close by, but it is still always chaotic.
The mornings, as we each get ready to be in different places, are pandemonium. No matter what time we wake up and no matter how prepared we are the night before. It could be because my kids are both still under 4 and are in their maximum element between 6-7am; or because our help doesn’t live with us, I really don’t know.
The house is always messy. A sign that it is well lived in by humans of all ages and appetites. Toys and things are everywhere. We often have ants here and there because of the crumbs we leave around as we walk while we snack. It’s often hard for us to find stuff, no matter how ‘safely’ we have kept it. Kids always play with everything they are not meant to play with.
But hey, you know what, it’s okay! I have realized that surrendering to this sort of chaos is the key to getting through it. It used to get the better of me, especially after a long day at work, but it no longer does. I have now come to see it as a beautiful mess. Our beautiful mess.
So, let it be. Let your kids be. Let the chaos prevail. Don’t try to keep the house tidy all the time. Let them play. Let them be kids. Let them wipe their noses on the sofa. When they are old enough you can tell them not to and they will understand. Till then, have you heard of The Healthy Home? 🙂
I’m not proud to admit that one of my son’s first words is “no”. He points his finger and says it in a compelling tone, “NO”, “NO”, “NO”, and then laughs out loud 🙂 It made me realize how much I say no and that perhaps I really don’t need to say it 1000 times a day. Now I only say no if what my son is doing is of real danger to him, otherwise I’m trying to let go. And things are so much easier!
When you surrender, you will also realize you have so much more time, both in your day and in your mind. Now, rather than tidying up in morning or after the kids are asleep, I write this newsletter. Or take a long shower. And it does me a ton of good.
Our kids need us the most when they are small. At 3 years 9 months and 18 months old, our kids are almost 100% dependent on us. One day our kids will grow up and they won’t need our help. And one day they will no longer cause chaos in the house because they will have moved out. I’m told the silence and order in your home then will make your heart hurt.
In a nutshell, life with small kids is chaotic. And repetitive. Work, kids, chores, bed. Wash, rinse, repeat. It can be seen as a relentless grind, or a priceless journey with wonderful rewards. We choose how we see it. We get to choose.
So, learn to love the chaos. Surrender to it. Embrace it. It is your wonderful chaos. This time will pass faster than you realize, and believe it or not, you will miss it.
If you like you what you read, I write a weekly newsletter for Working Mums on Substack, you can find it here. Please share if you like what you see!