After a manic few months, this week is the first time I’ve had the luxury of being a little lazy at work.
Laziness at work = guilt, so hell, let’s at least blog 🙂
Not much significant has happened to me lately. Oh I did move into my own apartment. The bliss. It’s so great to have your own space, walk around in your underwear, eat straight out of the cooking pan, and not do the dishes if you don’t feel like it. It’s so easy to forget about little joys. Add to that some microwave-warmed caramel Digestive biscuits and those little joys turn into inspiration that makes you want to conquer the world. Well, not quite but you get the gist. (NB: do not put the biscuits in the microwave for more than 30 seconds, they will burn and smoke up your entire house and yes, the fire alarm will go off).
Socially, I’ve been rather subdued too. The odd crazy night out at Dubai’s *happening* clubs reminds me why I prefer staying at home and watching Brothers & Sisters while eating burnt popcorn.
Lots of thoughts have been brewing inside me lately, although none of them seem to be evolving into anything. They’ve been strong enough to feel, but not strong enough to react to.
I read these lines on a blog today and at this undefined point in my life, I identified with them strongly:
I am undetermined.
I have an urge for performance.
I like to do things by myself.
I like to listen to others stories, rather than tell my own.
I don’t like being alone. I don’t like socializing, but I’m not an introvert.
I’m too slack to think. I tell myself : “There is nothing to worry about. I should just seize the moment and enjoy myself.”
Right. I don’t know what it means that I feel the above. I’m neutral that I feel it. But I have a strange throbbing instinct that something is going to come of it all.
These thoughts may be ephemeral and shallow. But they could also be profound, volatile and revealing. Maybe they are just marking the fact that I’m getting older, maybe even growing up – finally! I really don’t know. But what I do know is that, for once, I’m just going let myself be.