Damned if you do, damned if you don’t

Answers to some the eternal questions we have when we are in the beginning of a relationship:

Q. He called yesterday, when should I call back?
If you call back too soon, you are desperate; if you don’t you’re not interested enough.
Answer: It doesn’t really matter, you are screwed both ways.

Q.We had dinner last night, he said he’d call me Monday. It’s Tuesday and he hasn’t called. What should you do?
If you call him, you are the one who wants him more – ego crap; if you don’t and he never lands up calling, you will never know what would have been.
Answer: It doesn’t really matter, you are screwed both ways.

Q. He makes plans with me all the time, should I always be available?
If you play hard to get, he might say, screw this; if you are always available to go out, do anything as long as you’re hanging out, (irrespective of the fact that you really just like him and are generally not fussed) you get walked over.
Answer: It doesn’t really matter, you are screwed both ways.

Q. You slept with him for the first time, and he didn’t call the next day. What do you do?
If you call him, you’re the desperate one (‘it’s-the-guy-who-has-to-call-the-next-day-crap’), if he calls you after three days and then you don’t answer, you have begun a stupid ego game; if you do answer, it’s like you were waiting by the phone.
Answer: It doesn’t really matter, you are screwed both ways.

Q. Talking about how you feel. When can you start sharing your feelings without losing too much of your dignity?
If you say what you feel, you put yourself on the line – high chances he will not say what you want him to and you will feel like shit. If you don’t, you are accumulating a whole lot of shit inside you that will come out horribly another day.
Answer: It doesn’t really matter, you are screwed both ways.

Q.I feel uncomfortable in the relationship because I think he may be seeing other people – how soon is too soon to confront him about this without seeming like an inquisitive nag?
If you ask him in under two months, you are in too deep and need to get a life; if you don’t, and he is seeing other people, it will continue and when you find out it will be too late.
Answer: It doesn’t really matter, you are screwed both ways.

Q. Be clear about what you want. How much do you adapt to being who the other person wants you to be?
Don’t try to change yourself to suit what the other person wants – and you are selfish and stubborn. Change and give-in – you will be the one hurting later.
Answer: It doesn’t really matter, you are screwed both ways.

Q. Do you give him the benefit of the doubt?
If you don’t give the guy you are dating the benefit of the doubt – what’s the point of dating him when you have negative thoughts? If you do, you land-up believing exactly what you want to believe, which is rarely the truth.
Answer: It doesn’t really matter, you are screwed both ways.

Q.The relationship was great, but you both want different things, so saying adios is the healthy option. Can you still be friends?
If you choose not to change to ‘friend mode’, other than the sex you didn’t value rest of the relationship – how could you not want him in your life anymore? if you decide you can be friends, you are easy with anything – all those other feelings didn’t have much meaning.
Answer: It doesn’t really matter, you are screwed both ways.

On a positive note:
Lesson Learnt: You might as well do exactly what you want, because the consequences will probably be rather similar.

*Phew* it’s almost relieving to realise that all the nonsense pondering we do over stupid stuff like this is really not worth it.


  1. one of the best reads I have read on the net. unfortunately the world we live in is so full of crap that things would still remain complicated in spite of they being a simple linear equation to solve.

  2. Oh yeah, here is another complicated one…she never called…although i did call a few more times, even though we did chat up on the phone..and agreed to meet we never met…i was made waiting one day..wonder which category was this?..all this considering that she approached me first..BTW this was a long time ago.

  3. Fantastic post.

    I would have held the same view a while ago, before I met my new guy. It’s still in the early stages but I feel someone who really likes you and you like them back, games just don’t happen, not in the stereotypical way you describe. YES, this happens a lot in the majority of relationships, I would say. But when a girl finds she doesn’t face this shit with a new guy…well…she’s onto a NICE guy! Rare, I know, but it’s such a great feeling to read through your post and thank goodness that my guy isn’t like that, and neither do I need to play any such games with him…yee-hah! Hope you find a nice guy soon πŸ™‚

  4. thanks anonymous 1 and 2!

    john thanks for reminding me that men think like this too sometimes.

    Soltero – this is the dating scene these days, believe it or not

    imaginate – good luck, i hope this dude lives up to your expectations.

  5. Seeing that you are turning that last corner into my private domain (Cynicstan), I thought I’d let you know that I’ve been following your journey of self discovery….

    Btw – your last post just proves what I’ve been preaching lately… screw reality, what you feel is of your own making.

    πŸ™‚ good going girl… I’m proud of you !

  6. Hello Abha, I may say you, only to be you. Do what you feel. Express yourself the way you are.
    Only once happened to me what you are saying (because it happens!! Unbelievable anyway), and it was hard when it was occuring, also because I was not really good with myself existing (I believe in those days).
    It’s difficult to realise that people, men or women, do these behavoiur. But they do. Who knos why. Maybe the dont know what to do. Maybe they are bad with theirselves. I do think this last chance is the answer. Briefing that life is only: dont do to others what you dont like to have.

    Sane people move with sane people. And moves on like this…

    Congratulations of your freedom expressing yourself publicly:)


  7. Funny one. Thanks for the laugh.

    I’m taking this one to show it to my friends (will be quoting you and your blog of course).

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