Deep in conversation with a close cousin of mine last night, I think he hit the bullseye on one of the [many] million dollar questions in my life: ‘why haven’t I been able to keep a boyfriend for more than 3 months?’
He said: “You are the guy’s best friend, confidant, and lover. You are a laugh, do not nag, do not expect flowers, and you prefer to maintain most aspects of your independent life. You like few people, and when you do, you do everything to keep them in your life, selflessly, with minimum drama.’
For me, the above is effortless. To me it is how I want my partner to be. You get what you give, right?
Apparently not. You need to be slightly possessive, you need to express your feelings – no matter how stupid they are. You need to be less accommodating and less available. You need to stop giving them the benefit of the doubt. You need to let them know that if you aren’t treated right, you will not be around.
You have to make it about YOU, because if you don’t, it never will be and you will remain everybody’s taken for granted sidekick.
Ouch.
Recommended solution: I need to inject some ego into my system and take a high intravenous dose of self-pride.
Mmm . . . I don’t know, Abha. While this may be true in part, somehow it reaks of the classic job interview response: “My worst fault is that I’m a perfectionist.”
Unfortunately, this relationship stuff is too complex. I am hardly an expert, but ask yourself, “If I don’t really know what I want with my own life, what am I offering to a potential partner?” It is certainly a question on my own mind.
I am in no means perfect, far from that infact.Perhaps so messed up that I try to be ‘perfect’, which is worse.
As far as the relationship between life goals and relationship goals go, I’d prefer to treat them exclusively. Many a times your life goals go down the drain when you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. I think offering yourself to someone is the most you can give anyone. But then again, what do I know?
I think you just need to find someone who understands as you are, then everything will fall into place. But that seems impossible.
Wow sometimes I think we ar so pathetic craving for sustained male companionship.
Abha – maybe the problem is in who you are chosing – you are beautiful, intelligent and sexy – but maybe you just have bad taste